Understanding the signs a girl doesn’t like you is an important part of succeeding on the dating marketplace.
Why?
Because the better you get at spotting them, the less time you’ll waste trying to hit on women who don’t want you—and the faster you can move-on to women who are actually showing you signs that they’re seriously interested.
I once matched with a woman on a dating app. She had a pretty serious ‘biker chick’ vibe—leather jacket and all.
She wasn’t exactly my type—but she was hot, and I had an afternoon free. So I asked her if she wanted to get some Chinese food with me.
We met up, and right away I could tell that she wasn’t interested in me. And to be honest, I also knew right-away that the feeling was most likely mutual.
She barely said 10 sentences the entire time.
She never once looked me in the eye.
Her body posture was super rigid, and trying to make conversation felt like pulling teeth.
After lunch, I walked her to her car. She politely thanked me for the meal, and sped off.
A few hours later, I sent her a text to thank her for meeting me for lunch. I never heard from her again.
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Understanding the Signs Minimizes Disappointment
Here’s the thing.
I knew within the first 2 minutes that this woman wasn’t into me. So I wasn’t expecting anything.
I wasn’t going to be disappointed when it didn’t work out.
But some men get really torn up over this kind of thing.
They take it super-seriously, and get their feelings hurt if they get rejected.
“What did I do to make her not like me?”
“Why wasn’t she interested?”
These can be haunting questions.
But men, it’s important to understand that sometimes, women just aren’t going to be into you—and that’s ok.
It doesn’t mean you’re a low value man. It just means that it’s time to embrace an abundance mentality, gracefully excuse yourself, and move-on to the next woman.
Let’s go over the signs so that you can spot it as soon as possible.
How to Tell If a Girl Doesn’t like You: 16 Clear Signs
1. She Just Doesn’t Pay Attention
The single most telling sign that a girl doesn’t like you comes from where she’s focusing her attention.
Here’s what you need to understand, and this is vital.
If her attention is primarily on anything other than you, and if she doesn’t seem excited to be spending time with you, that’s the number-one universal sign that you’re not her #1 choice.
If she:
- Is constantly checking her phone
- Acts like there’s somewhere else she needs or wants to be
- Doesn’t seem interested or invested in the conversation
- Seems to be focused on basically anything else but you
- Seems to be in a hurry to get going
It’s better to take the hint and realize that she’s probably not that into you.
If a woman is into you, she’ll be really focused on you. She won’t want to check her phone, and she won’t want this time with you to be interrupted, wasted, or cut short.
2. She Pulls Away from Subtle Touches
Rejection can hurt, but time heals most wounds! So they say! #rejection
— BLACK DIAMOND (@NEW_OLDBREED202) March 13, 2021
Women love to be touched by men they’re attracted to.
By contrast, they tend to get grossed out by romantic physical touch from the man they’re not interested in.
YouTuber LizziesAnswers explains the female perspective on this topic quite well:
When a guy who I have zero attraction to is touching my arm or getting really near me, sometimes it seriously bothers me. And to make it clear that I’m uncomfortable with that, I’ll just be like ‘hey, can you not touch me?’ Or, if we’re like sitting next to each other and he’s sitting ‘too close’ to me, I’ll kind of like ‘scoot over.’
Lizzie points out a crucial bit of wisdom here. If she pulls away from you or doesn’t seem ‘thrilled’ with your touches, then you’re definitely looking at a woman who isn’t picturing you as ‘her guy.’
3. She Won’t Make Any Effort to Touch You
Women won’t hesitate to break the ‘touch barrier’ with men they’re deeply attracted to, especially when the encounter moves to the ‘sexual escalation/flirting’ phase.
But if she hasn’t broken that ‘touch barrier’ at all, odds are good that she’s either shy, or that she’s not feeling the chemistry.
How can you tell for sure?
Go in for a bit of ‘innocuous’ touching of your own, and see how she responds.
If she doesn’t seem to grow more interested and engaged when you plant an innocent ‘touch’ on her arm or hand, and if she doesn’t reciprocate these touches with small ‘touches’ of her own, odds are good that you’re looking at a sign of disinterest.
4. She Doesn’t Care about the Topics You’re Discussing
I once went on a date with an attractive woman. But I quickly realized that she didn’t care about anything I cared about.
This isn’t always a deal breaker. Sometimes, raw sexual chemistry trumps the need for common interests when it comes to attraction.
But it’s also true that women generally feel more attracted to men they share common interests and connection with—and sometimes, having common interests helps to generate that first initial ‘spark’ of connection.
As pointed out by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman in The Man’s Guide To Women:
In our Love Lab, we found that women have two major complaints about men. The first complaint is: “He is never there for me.” The second complaint is: “There isn’t enough intimacy and connection.” These women feel alone even when they are in a relationship. e
If she doesn’t seem to care about anything you’re talking about, odds are good that you either need to learn to talk about some different conversation topics (if this type of thing happens a lot)—or you just need to accept that this particular woman probably isn’t the woman for you, and move on.
5. She Doesn’t Ask You Any Personal Questions
Mystery is an essential element to attraction, especially for women. If a woman isn’t ‘mystified’ and ‘curious’ about you as a man, odds are basically zero that she’s going to be interested in you.
Esther Perel describes it like this in her book Mating In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence:
Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. e
If a woman sees you as ‘mysterious’ and is attracted to that mystery, she’ll be dying to learn more about you.
But not caring enough to ask you personal questions doesn’t bode well. In such cases, odds are good that she’s just not that into you.
6. She Doesn’t Make an Effort
“I have so many questions to ask you.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women say this as we sat down to sip our first coffee or mixed-drink together.
And I can always tell that conversations that start like this are generally bound to end up somewhere positive.
Why?
Because it shows that she’s excited and interested in getting to know me, which invariably results in her putting real, consistent effort into the conversation.
The last time a woman said this to me at the onset of a date, we ended up getting hot-and-heavy in the back seat of my car about an hour later.
Women are drawn to men they’re intensely interested in—and bored with the rest.
In the words of Marilyn Monroe:
Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. e
If she’s interested, she’ll definitely put in the effort.
7. She Doesn’t Maintain Eye Contact
According to my favorite body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards:
When someone is attracted to you, they subconsciously will try engaging in lots of mutual eye contact. They do this to feel closer to you, and because they are interested in you and what you are saying. e
And she’s absolutely correct.
Eye contact triggers a release of oxytocin in the brain, feels good, and gives you an inside perspective on what that person is thinking about you.
If their gaze tends to wander between your eyes, and drops down only slightly (to mouth-level) before rising to scan the eyes again, odds are good that they’re just trying to be respectful.
But if their eye contact wanders from eye to eye, and then drops lower (such as down to your neck or chest) before returning to eye-gaze level, that’s an indicator that they’re evaluating you with a more ‘intimate’ frame of mind.
In other words—they may be attracted to you.
8. She Either Doesn’t Smile, or Forces It
You can tell a lot about how a woman feels by looking at her smile.
Does she laugh at your jokes, or does her face look strained, tired, or bored?
I’ve been on enough dates to know that the quality of a woman’s smile often foretells the outcome of the date.
If she’s legitimately smiling at you, that’s a good sign.
If not, don’t overthink it. She’s probably thinking about the guy she actually wants to be on a date with, and is struggling to get through this date so that she can text him and have him meet her at home.
If she’s into it, she’ll smile.
9. She’ll Drop Hints That She’s Not Looking to Date
“I’m not really looking to date right now.”
“I’m just looking for friendship more than anything.”
“I don’t really see myself getting into a relationship right now.”
If a woman is dropping these types of hints during the date, she’s either trying to let you know that she wants to hook up, or that she’s trying to keep you from pursuing her further without being rude about it.
Of course, the difference will be painted all over her body language.
If she seems disengaged while telling you this, she’s not interested.
If she’s making eye contact and trying to be ‘close’ to you while saying it, she’s likely looking for something casual.
10. She’ll Cancel Plans
Does she say ‘yes’ to plans, and then cancel on them later?
If it happens once, it may be legitimate. Life happens, after all.
Did she apologize and put real effort into rescheduling?
If not, she probably canceled on purpose.
If she’s not interested, she’ll be apathetic and non-committal about it.
She’ll say things like “let me check my schedule. I’ll let you know.”
Here’s something you should know about women.
When they’re truly interested in a guy, they’ll move heaven and earth to be close to him.
If she’s not doing that for you, she’s likely not feeling it.
11. She Never Wants To Be ‘Alone’ With You
Does she avoid coming over to your house when it’s ‘only you?’
Does she only seem willing to ‘hang out’ with you in group settings?
Does she often leave the room when everyone else does, instead of staying behind with you?
Men, this is important.
Women are very good at getting ‘alone’ with the men they want.
If trying to get her alone with you feels like herding cats, you’re going to be better off moving on.
12. She Doesn’t Flirt Back
I once knew this really attractive, intelligent woman who was interested in psychology—and we had a few lengthy discussions about some interesting topics.
These were great discussions, and I found myself developing a sexual interest in her.
But when I put myself out there and tried to flirt with her, things immediately got weird.
It was almost like she got ‘offended’ by the fact that I was making my attraction known.
(Truth is, I got friendzoned. I didn’t assert myself early-on enough, and she ended up thinking of me as a friend rather than as a romantic interest.)
I took the hint and let it go. She never contacted me again.
This is why it’s important to sexually assert yourself early-on if you’re interested (stick around until the end of the article for my top 3 tips on how to do this).
13. She Shows up Not Looking Her Best
This has only happened to me a couple of times—but it’s something to take note of.
If she shows up to the date looking like she just rolled out of bed (pajama pants, a dirty shirt, hair messy and not done, no makeup, smells like cat or dog pee), odds are good that this ‘meetup’ didn’t mean very much to her.
This is a sign that she’s not super interested, and that she lacks that genuine ‘burning desire’ for you that you’d want in a girlfriend.
(Or, it could mean that she just doesn’t have her life together.)
In either case, it’s best to walk away from these types of situations.
14. She’ll Talk about Other Men
As a dating coach, I sometimes run into weird situations while dating.
Sometimes, women will go out with me and immediately start trying to get advice about their ex-husband, their on-again-off-again boyfriend, or some other screwed up dating situation in their life.
These types of situations tend to go one of two ways.
Either:
- She ends up not being interested (or I end up walking away because I lose interest)
- We end up screwing like freaky rabbits back at her place, and then a week later she gets back together with the guy she wanted advice about
If she starts talking about other men while on the date, you may want to just move on. Odds are good that she’s not over him, and that she’s not actually available for a relationship.
15. She Doesn’t Seem Excited When You Ask Her Out
If a lady desires you and wants to go out with you, she’ll definitely seem excited when you finally make your move.
By contrast, if she stalls, seems unsure of whether to say ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ or just otherwise doesn’t seem very ‘happy’ about it, you may want to rethink your decision.
Listen:
For women, getting asked out by the guy they want is a happy, exciting moment that fills them with the thrill of possibility and romance.
So if she seems unsure, or hesitantly says ‘yes’ without seeming too excited about it—odds are good that she’s either not saying ‘yes’ for the right reason, or she isn’t sure how to let you down, so she’s biding her time and just going along with it for now.
In either case, it typically doesn’t end well for the man.
16. She Wants to ‘Meet Halfway’ for the Date
If a woman doesn’t want to meet up because you can’t or won’t meet her ‘halfway,’ geographically speaking, then she’s probably not that interested in you.
Here’s the thing.
Women have a lot of choices that they need to make when trying to vet men and decide on their best option.
And if you’re not her number-one option, she’s going to carefully calculate how much she’s willing to invest into the meetup—and she won’t be willing to put too many resources at risk.
This stands in stark contrast to how she thinks about her number-one guy.
Not too long ago, I talked to a woman who drove 3 hours one-way just to meet up with a guy she matched with on a dating app.
Why did she do it?
Because he was the only guy on her radar (so, the number-one guy), and she was hoping that something would come out of it.
Men, if she’s not willing to go the distance to see you, or seems to be really ‘careful’ about how she spends her resources, rest assured that you’re not her number-one guy, and you may be wasting your time on a woman who doesn’t really like you as much as you like her.
How to Know If a Girl Is Not Interested in You through Text
A lot of modern-day dating begins over an online dating/texting platform.
This means that men need to learn to interpret ‘digital signs’ as well as ‘real life signs.’
So here are 6 signs that you can spot over text to tell if a girl doesn’t like you.
1. You Text More Than She Does
If you’re investing more into the conversation than she is (sending more texts than she is), then you’re probably dealing with a situation where she doesn’t like you as much as you like her.
This doesn’t mean that she’s not making you a second or third option—but the odds of you being her number-one option if you’re doing the majority of the texting are very low.
2. Her Replies Are Short and Cold
Women tend to text paragraphs to the men they really want.
They’re dying to reveal their heart, soul, and mind to the man they envision themselves with.
This is part of the ‘texting romance,’ and women crave it.
So if her replies are short, cold, one-word, or brief answers, she’s likely not that into you.
3. She Takes a Long Time to Text Back
I can always tell how important I am to a woman by how quickly she texts back.
Does she usually reply right away (within less than 30 seconds)? Does she rarely take more than 5 minutes to reply? Are replies that take more than an hour almost nonexistent?
If so, she’s probably really interested.
But if 3, 6, 8, or 12 hours go by without a response—and if this happens to you consistently—well, one of two things may be happening.
- She may not be into you
- She may be trying not to seem too eager, and is trying to match your time frame so that she doesn’t come off as being too clingy or desperate
How can you tell the difference?
Look at other attraction cues to determine a broader consensus.
Do all the other signs point toward attraction, or are you finding it hard to find a sign that she’s actually into you?
Also take into account that if she’s a busy, successful, career-minded woman, she may legitimately be busy—so allow a bit of extra room for that as well.
When in doubt, don’t make a judgement call based on a single sign. Always look at the signs that exist in a variety of different contexts.
Remember, a woman’s behavior won’t lie. She’ll either be into you, or she won’t—and her actions will show you.
In most cases, if she really wanted you, she’d excuse herself to the restroom at work (or hide out in the broom closet) just to send you a text.
4. She Never/Rarely Initiates Contact
Are you usually the first person to send a text message?
If so, that’s not good news.
If more than two days go by without her initiating some kind of contact, you can be sure that there’s probably another guy getting those sexy ‘good morning selfie’ texts instead of you.
If a woman is truly interested in you, she’ll be hard-pressed to go half a day without messaging you first. That’s just how it goes.
5. She Seems Non-committal When You Ask Her Out
When you ask her out via text, does she give you an immediate yes?
If not, or if her answer seems ‘non-committal’ in any way, I would advise you to disengage.
Here’s the thing. When a woman really wants you and can envision a future with you in it, you’ll become a number-one priority to her.
And when given the chance to spend time with you, she’ll jump at it.
She won’t answer with a ‘maybe.’
If she’s legitimately busy, she should immediately give you a potential alternative. If not, and if she leaves it ‘open,’ take the hint—there’s a reason for why she’s keeping her schedule clear.
She’s likely hoping that guy #1 will hit her up and ask her out instead—and you’re the backup in case that doesn’t happen.
6. She Only Contacts You When She Needs Something
Men’s lifestyle YouTuber Courtney Ryan explains the female perspective on this one really well:
If a girl is only texting you when she needs something, she needs a favor, she needs you to help her move, she needs you to drive her somewhere—this is a horrible sign, guys. She probably knows that you like her, and she just wants to use you for your time, your effort, and your energy. e
Courtney is right about this, men.
I had a friend who got himself into this type of a ‘relationship.’
He thought that she was just wanting to take it slow. So he was giving her rides, helping her move, feeding her cat while she was away, and doing all kinds of helpful things for her.
He was even helping her with her bills.
What did she do? She suddenly moved away to be with a guy she had apparently been talking-to the whole time. She barely even said ‘bye’ to this other guy, who had been helping her so much through this ‘rough patch’ of life.
He felt used, hurt, and led-on, and rightfully so.
Now he knows better.
We can all learn a lesson from this story.
If she only contacts you to ask you to do stuff for her, it’s likely not going to end well for you.
What Should You Do When You See Signs a Girl Doesn’t like You?
It can be demoralizing to realize that a girl doesn’t like you.
But, it doesn’t have to be the end of the story, either.
As a high value man, your goal should be to continue to pursue your purpose in life, to chase excellence, and to create your own success.
And when it comes to women, it’s important to understand one vital concept.
A woman should never be the ‘focus’ of your life.
A high quality woman should be a complement to your already awesome, successful, fulfilled life—like a wonderful cherry on top of an already awesome chocolate cake.
With that in mind, here are a few steps to take if you find out that a girl doesn’t like you.
1. Don’t Get Angry
This happens. You’re a man, and rejection is part of the game.
Hold your head high, take it like a man, and move on.
2. Continue to Level up
As men, we should always strive to be leveling up—mind, body, and spirit.
Get better at dating by reading some of the best dating books for men.
Level up your understanding of the world by tuning-in to some incredible audiobooks and podcasts.
Start getting into shape.
Take up some hobbies that you love.
Start cultivating some peace and tranquility in your life.
This may seem like a lot of work, and it is.
But it’s vitally important that we build our value as men from the foundation upward.
This is the true alpha male mentality.
And it all starts with healthy, productive habits.
3. Continue to Date Other Women
Just because one woman wasn’t interested in you doesn’t mean that you should get depressed, withdraw, and stop dating.
The truth is that there’s no shame in getting turned down.
I’m literally a dating coach, and it even happens to me.
The best way to approach this type of failure is to consider it a lesson, and then to jump right back onto the metaphorical ‘horse.’
Do these things:
- Learn from your mistakes
- Chalk it up to life experience
- Do your best next time
- Move on and keep talking to other women
Eventually, if you continue to learn, grow, adapt, and become a better man, you’ll start succeeding more and more.
And that’s all that matters.
How Do You Attract a Girl Who Doesn’t like You?
I’m going to shoot it to you straight, gentlemen.
The truth is that you shouldn’t want a woman who doesn’t like you.
If you’ve caught oneitis for a woman who doesn’t want you, shake yourself out of it and move on.
The key is to adopt a true abundance mentality when it comes to dating.
Step outside of your scarcity mindset, and learn to see the dating world for what it truly is—an infinite continuum of possibilities to meet, engage-with, and date beautiful women.
Don’t get stuck on the one who wasn’t interested.
Focus on finding the next 1, 5, or 10 who actually want you, and kickstart your love life with success.
3 Actionable Tips to Stay Clear of the Friendzone
The friendzone is a legitimate fear for a lot of men.
But believe it or not, you have a LOT of power in deciding to stay clear of it.
1. Sexually Escalate within 15-20 Minutes of Meeting Her
One of the biggest mistakes men make with women is waiting to sexually escalate.
A woman will usually quickly categorize you as either a ‘friend’ or a ‘sexual interest,’ depending on how you interact with her.
If you don’t show any signs of liking her more than as a ‘friend,’ she may write you off as a friend—and then be weirded out when you make it sexual.
Instead, solidify yourself as a sexual option right from the start.
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Touch Her
Of course, you need to be a little bit careful here.
Don’t grab her butt or grope her within the first 5 minutes.
Start with something very innocent.
Go for a light touch on the arm, or find a good excuse to take her hand.
If she doesn’t seem into it, withdraw and move on.
If she doesn’t pull away, and/or if she seems to enjoy the touching, don’t be afraid to escalate to brushing her hair out of her eyes, and even going in for a kiss.
3. Go for the Kiss Sooner Rather Than Later
When I’m interested in a woman, I always make it a point to go for the first kiss within the first twenty minutes of meeting her, more toward the beginning of the date than toward the end.
Why?
This sends a powerful, masculine message.
“I want you. I’m not here as a friend. I’m here because I’m sexually interested in you.”
This is surprisingly reassuring to women (if they feel the same way). It lets them know that you’re feeling it, and that they’re not wasting their time on a guy who’s either uninterested, or afraid to make a move.
Conclusion
Hopefully, this post has helped you to understand the signs a girl doesn’t like you, and has equipped you with some solid steps you can take to get off the ‘rejection’ train and back into the ‘dating’ saddle.
The real truth, men, is this.
Not everyone is going to be 100% into you.
But you’re a niche product.
Keep dating, and find the women who WILL love you. They’re out there, and they’re worth it.
For more tips, tricks, and level-up advice for men, check out our YouTube channel.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
